What is this?

This is the internet – welcome! More specifically, this is a cramped, dark, slightly moist corner of the internet where I am housing a blog. I got the property at a bargain price because I think someone committed several murders in the basement, and the house across the road is almost certainly a crack den.

But what is the blog about?

I have no idea. There will hopefully be some short stories, I’ll be making observations about things that happen in my unremarkable life, and I may even post some things that are actually interesting. If all else fails, I’ll just start writing about how the world has been taken over by space lizards, or how 9/11 was orchestrated by Fred Elliott (the butcher) from Coronation Street.

Why ‘The Velociraptor Next-Door’?

This is a mystery. I spent an inordinate amount of time pondering witty and clever blog names – the kind of names that would make you shout out “Ha!” in a public library and rub your hands together with glee. But then I think my brain had some kind of hiccup and I just mashed some words onto my keyboard. Is it a play on ‘the boy/girl next-door’? Probably not. I was hoping you could tell me.

I funny thing is, I genuinely do have a grumpy stegosaurus as a neighbour, but that’s entirely coincidental.

Who are you?

That was a bit rude.

Why are you in my house?

I was walking past and thought I could smell roast chicken.